You’ve lost me

I have come to the realization that you don’t care about me. You probably never did. So I’m just telling you know, I’m done. I’m done with your bullshit. I’m not waiting for you any longer. I don’t deserve this. I deserve someone who will treat me right, not just shut me out like you did. I deserve somebody who will make me laugh and smile not cry and question if you even care. I don’t deserve this. I can’t wait for you any longer. You’ve lost me. There is no getting me back. I may not be the smartest girl, or the prettiest girl. I may not be all girly like some girls but you will never meet someone who will love you as completely as I did. Someone who will be as thoughtful as me. I will not be stupid enough to fall for your act again. I will not believe your empty promises. You’ve lost my trust, you’ve lost my love, you’ve lost my respect. You’ve lost me.
I’m not going to give you the ability to hurt me anymore.

I hate it…..

I hate that I still care about you. I hate that you make my heart beat so fast even when I don’t want it to beat at all. I hate that you make me cry, even now. I hate that I can’t get you out of my mind. I hate that I let my walls down for you and let you see the real me. I hate that I let you into my heart, I hate that I believed your lies. I hate that I actually thought you cared about me. I hate that I actually thought I stood a chance. I hate that you stole my first kiss. I hate that this was all just a game for you. I hate that even after all you’ve put me threw I still love you to death. I hate that even the thought of you with another girl, you telling another girl that you love her, that she’s beautiful, you kissing another girl, I hate this pang I get in my chest. I hate that I love you so much. I hate that I can’t hate you. No matter how hard I try. I hate that I can’t move on. I hate that I’m broken and you’re perfectly fine. I hate that every time my phone goes off, I sit here wishing it was you texting me. But most of all, I hate myself. My lungs are filled with self-hatred and oh my god I can’t breathe. I hate myself for not being good enough for you. I hate myself for understanding why you stopped caring. Because really, who would choose a dandelion in a field of roses? So I guess it’s true, to love is to destroy, to be loved is to be the one destroy. I’m never opening up again, that was a terrible idea. I wish I hadn’t shown you the darkest parts of me. I’ve needed someone to show me thAt there’s a reason to love again, and I thought it was you but I guess I was wrong. I’m getting worse and you don’t even know, nor do you care. Oh how I wish you cared. Oh how I wish I could hug you one last time, feel your hand entwined with mine, your lips on my lips. Just. One. More. Time. I don’t want money or fame. I don’t even want power. All I want is you. You are worth more to me than anything, but I am worth nothing to you. To me you are the moon in my sky, to you I am just one of the billions of stars.